Enneagram 1 and 4 relationship

Type Four — The Enneagram Institute

enneagram 1 and 4 relationship

4. THE INDIVIDUALIST Enneagram Type Four. The Sensitive, Introspective Type: are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. I have had a trail of relationship disasters. 4's loyalty. Perfectionist &loyalist. Hermione: Perfectionist (1). It's LeviOsa, not How do you see the Enneagram types affecting your personal relationships?. Relationship Development for Perfectionists with Performers. What to 1- 4_77pxw Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 4, the Romantic.

This all can result in a deep rift in the relationship and repeated cycles of uncontained reactivity leading to destruction of the relationship. Failure to focus on and express own needs, habit of altering to please, desire for attention and approval, intrusiveness, and potentially inadvertent emotionally manipulative behavior designed to soften and modify Protectors.

What to Appreciate in Protectors. Power and strength, assertiveness, encouragement and support of desires, zest for life, directness, and protectiveness. Practice holding ground, expressing self directly, and claiming own needs. Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Develop the separate or independent self. Become aware of and moderate intrusiveness and emotionality that the Protector experiences as controlling.

Genuine care, helpfulness and willingness to give, sensitivity regarding feelings and relationships, and positive active energy. Develop sensitivity to feelings and allow in own vulnerabilities. Manage energy expression and boundaries.

Type 2, the Giver, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers and Mediators get along well together because they both are sensitive, pleasing, helpful, and accommodating. But conflict arises when Givers become overly helpful and intrusive in an effort to get Mediators to set priorities, take initiatives, and say what they need even though Givers have great difficulty themselves with experiencing what they need.

When this pattern persists, the relationship can deteriorate and even dissolve. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude.

Sex & Enneagram - Type 4

Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice. Develop and express own separate and independent self. Work at personal priorities and needs and encourage the Mediator to do likewise.

Genuine care, helpfulness, empathy, sensitivity regarding feelings, liveliness, and positive active energy. Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise. Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving. They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals. They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized.

A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs. Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship.

enneagram 1 and 4 relationship

Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace. What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force. Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship. Recognize that love comes from being, not doing. Performers wanting approval try harder, yet often still disappoint the Romantic who pursues the ideal relationship.

This pattern can result in a sustained gulf between them and even lead to dissolution of the relationship. Idealism, deep feelings, sensitivity to others, creative disposition, and quest for authenticity and depth. Allow self to experience depth of true feelings and more receptive force. Pay attention to and support the relationship. Attention going to what is missing rather than what is present, imbalance regarding feeling versus doing preoccupation with feelings and sometimes inattention to doingdesire for more attention and special treatment, and tendency to become self-centered.

Support for action, sustained effort, optimism, practicality, goal focus, and competence. Stay active and present even when feeling deficient. Balance the human feeling side of endeavors with action. Acknowledge own sense of wanting more attention and depth. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities. As neither type habitually attends to feelings, they are unlikely to resolve the situation through dialogue and expression of personal feelings.

They may become alienated and lonely leading eventually to termination the relationship. Pressure to move ahead, focus mainly on tasks and goals, impatience with analysis, shared difficulty in expressing personal feelings, and tendency to cut corners.

Thoughtful analysis, thinking before doing, dispassion and relative calm under pressure, and undemanding quality.

Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute

Allow for periods of inactivity and reflection while encouraging the Observer to stay engaged. Work on shared difficulty in paying attention to feelings. Respect boundaries and different work styles. Notice and moderate the fast go ahead energy and pace.

Can-do attitude, accomplishment orientation, competence, engagement in life tasks, showing care through doing and facilitating goals, and enthusiasm. Practice staying engaged and connected. Encourage Performer to moderate pace and activity level. Work on shared difficulty paying attention to feelings.

Declare when alone time is needed. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts When sharing a common purpose or goal, Performers and Loyal Skeptics can complement each other well with an action orientation balanced by thoughtful downside analysis.

When Performers push ahead, somewhat blind to potential hazards and what can go wrong, Loyal Skeptics can react with caution and contrary thinking about pitfalls and worst case scenarios. A cycle of escalating conflict can take place with the Performer seeing this as putting up obstacles to progress and success, which evokes impatience and a push forward into action. The Loyal Skeptic then can feel unheard and discounted, which increases his or her doubt and mistrust.

This can spiral into a web of angry allegations and eventually estrangement. Loyalty, warmth, healthy skepticism and questioning, ability to see the bigger picture, and sensitivity. Develop respect for pitfalls and downside of endeavors. Practice expressing own true feelings. Notice and moderate fast pace and allow in receptive force. Optimism, caring through doing, sustained focus on goals, positive go-ahead energy, and support for achievements.

Practice trusting in plausible positive actions. Be clear about own position and feelings. Pay attention to and express positives. Reduce tendency to either defer or challenge. Since both types avoid painful feelings and negatives, difficulties can reach crisis proportions before they are faced. This cycle of blame creates pain and anger in both. If the difficulties are not faced, alienation can take place and the relationship can dissolve.

Shared optimism and go-getter energy, mental quickness and inventiveness, positive possibility orientation, flexibility, and the playful adventuresome spirit. Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives and encouraging the Epicure to do likewise. Practice slowing the fast pace and allow in receptive force. Develop patience by noticing the tendency toward impatience and releasing from it. Positive active energy, accomplishment and solution orientation, disciplined goal focus, practicality, and caring through doing.

Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives, encourage the Performer to do likewise. Come more into the present moment and away from future planning. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Protectors can join together in pursuit of shared goals with vigor and determination. However, control and competition struggles can emerge unbuffered by softer feelings.

A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue with the Protector picking up on the changes of position on the part of the shape-shifting Performer, leading to more provocation of the all-or-nothing style of confrontation. Hurtful fights, withdrawal, and disruption of the relationship may ensue leading to termination the relationship. Strait-forwardness, big life energy, support for goals, action orientation, courage of convictions, and strength of purpose.

Welcome negative feedback and challenge. Pay attention to own true feelings. Encourage the Protector to express his or her softer more vulnerable side. Go-ahead energy, goal-directedness, achievement orientation, flexibility, enthusiasm, and caring through doing. Recognize Performer for positive contributions and encourage the expression of true feelings. Allow in own softer feelings and receptive force.

In turn, Performers help to mobilize Mediators into action. Getting frustrated and impatient, the Performer may pressure the Mediator to make decisions. Feeling discounted and controlled, the Mediator can become anxious, stubborn and resistive. This then may escalate into angry exchanges and debilitating, prolonged stand-offs that threaten or may even dissolve the relationship.

Preoccupation with success and recognition, fast pace, inattention to feelings, self-focus, and desire to maintain a good image. Steadiness, ability to defer, adaptability, empathy, genuine support and caring, and ability to set slower pace and provide a counterbalance to active energy.

Notice and express own true feelings. Practice receptivity — really listening. Ability to focus on goals and solutions both for self and other, joy in doing, can-do attitude, sense of hope, and competence.

Insist on being heard. Encourage Performer to moderate pace and listen. Concentrate on what is wanted and important, not on what is not wanted and inessential. Then, they may feel disappointed in each other or themselves and feel that something important is lacking. A push-pull can take place between them when what is absent and longed for seems better or more ideal than what is present and fulfilling. A cycle of escalating conflict can arise in, which they compete for understanding, acknowledgement, support, and attention.

Moodiness, anger over disappointments, and loss of steadiness may ensue. When this push-pull cycle repeats often enough the relationship can destabilizes and dissolve. Tendency toward self-preoccupation, desire to be special and unique, focusing on what is missing rather than what is present, and push-pull swings of emotion.

What to Appreciate in Other Romantics.

enneagram 1 and 4 relationship

Intensity, depth of feeling and reflection, idealism, the romantic and aesthetic flair, empathy for suffering, and authenticity. Seek to understand rather than be understood. Practice staying steady and present, especially in the midst of strong emotion. Appreciate the ordinary as well as the extraordinary. Focus on what is present rather than what is missing.

In general, however, Romantics want more and Observers want less in relationship. Romantics can experience Observers as emotionally unavailable, overly intellectual, withholding, and controlling of time and energy, while Observers can experience Romantics as too emotional, demanding, intrusive, and difficult to satisfy.

A cycle of escalating conflict can occur with the Romantic becoming more demanding and self-focused and the Observer more retracted and detached from feeling. At worst, this can devolve into paralysis of action, disengagement, and ultimately alienation. Desire for more feeling and attention, difficulty feeling satisfied with what is present, strong emotional expression, and tendency to become self-oriented. Thoughtful analysis, dispassion, steadiness, non-demandingness, good personal boundaries, and self-sufficiency.

Soften claims for depth of connection and feelings. Welcome less rather than more as desirable. Show gratitude for what is present in the relationship. Both are idealistic and concerned with getting it right in their work and self-expressions. Both see how things could be, how a project could become an expression of an ideal form, if all went well.

By working together, something universal and transcendent could result in their work and in their relationship itself. Ones bring a desire for objectivity, truth, value, and reason to the relationship.

They offer self-discipline, good work habits, and regularity to the relationship. Ones are conscientious and will sublimate themselves and their personal needs for the greater good, including the shared vision and goals that they feel are at the core of the relationship itself.

Ones can act as valuable sounding boards for Fours, offering advice and wisdom when Fours get confused by the multitude of their feelings or their self-doubts.

Fours bring creativity, intense feelings, sensuality, spontaneity, inspiration, and the ability to tap into dreams, the unconscious, and other universal forces.

Fours, on the other hand, want to sort out their feelings first, and deal with their duties after they have worked through their emotions.

As a result, they may have difficulty mobilizing themselves to meet responsibilities. Most Ones would not give themselves permission to "indulge" their feelings in this way for very long. For lower average Fours, non-productively dwelling on their feelings can be the rule rather than the exception.

Despite these differences, there are similarities. Both tend to be perfectionistic and dissatisfied with things as they are. Both are often frustrated with themselves and their environment, and can be perceived by others as fussy, or picky.

Both can be very particular about their environment and the "rules" that they want others to observe in their personal space. Average Fours are often critical and picky over others' lack of awareness of their sensitivities.